Just Build a House

Several weeks ago, some co-workers and I got together after work for drinks, and being the self-described "whippersnapper" of the group (love that word!), I, along with my whole generation got a severe tongue-lashing about our general attitude of entitlement. Huh? I was no different from any other spoiled brat who is told that she's spoiled. No one ever thinks that they're spoiled. After a minute, I had no choice but to agree with her. We ARE spoiled. Perhaps not with money and worldly possessions, but we are certainly spoiled with promises and ideals. How many of us grew up believing that not only could we be whatever we wanted to be when we grew up, but that all it took to be happy was going to a good college and getting a good job afterward? It's not that simple, and maybe I can't speak for everyone, but I know I'm floundering.

I find college to be a waste of time, if what you're looking for is a means to an end. That little piece of paper might help you get a job, but then again, it might not. My generation picked a terrible time to graduate from college. Just months after my graduation, the economy tanked, and tons of people were out of jobs. I had friends with master's degrees trying to find ANY kind of job, only to be turned down because they were overqualified.

I have mixed feelings about my own college experience. I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school. For the first time, my life was not being structured for me, and that was absolutely terrifying. I had to pick a career that I would do for the rest of my life, and if you had any idea how hard it is for me to commit to a pair of shoes, you'd understand how I literally got depressed over trying to pick a school and a major. I had so many interests, but I finally decided to go with an art school. But what major? I found a course catalog from the Savannah College of Art and Design (or SCAD for short), and I saw that they offered Visual Effects as a major. As in special effects for movies. My interest was piqued, and I decided that that was what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

My GPA in high school had been a 3.7. I didn't even have to try to get A's in high school. College was a rude awakening. Suddenly, I had to study for more than ten minutes to absorb the information I'd be tested on. My major courses were mostly nightmares. A few profs couldn't teach to save their lives. I changed my major after my first VSFX course. I got a C in that course. A C! It was partly pride that made me change. I thought I'd do better in another major. The prof from that course had noticed my struggle, and after finding out that I was interested in 3D modeling, he suggested I change my major to animation. I wish I hadn't listened. I am no animator. A couple more C's followed that first one from VSFX. It seemed that every time I wondered if I should quit and do something else, something would go right, and I'd stick with it. Unfortunately, my school only offered one modeling course, and with the rest of my courses focusing on the actual animating aspect of the industry, I got precious little practice.  With the ending of my senior year, I came to the horrible realization that I didn't have a portfolio.  I decided to stick out a year in Savannah to stay near my then boyfriend and work on my portfolio.  Then the economy tanked, I lost my job at the bank, and I had to move back to Indiana.

When I think of my former boss/friend who didn’t have a college education but was raking in $8,000 a month for doing nothing because he had a great idea for social media, I can feel a little bitter about my own life and the choices I’ve made. College didn’t get me what I thought I would get. In fact, I have to agree with what one of my co-workers said. He called college a “societal hoop to jump through.” With so many majors and goals, I feel that learning on the job makes much more sense than trying to learn from a classroom. Especially with the amount of money involved. (As a fellow “scaddie” and former film major said, “I went to school and realized I could have gotten my education just from buy buying books. I bought books and realized I could have Googled and read for free. I got on set and realized I could have just used common sense and taught myself. It really all comes down to a great Christopher Walken quote, ‘If you want to learn... how to build a house, then build a house. Don't ask anyone, just, build a house.’”

My college degree didn’t give me what I thought I wanted. I did learn how to think for myself. I learned how to live on my own (I had to do my own laundry for the first time!). I learned to adapt. Being so far from home forced me to break out of my comfort zone and be more outgoing. I made some AMAZING friends that inspire me. I miss all of you so much. It helped shape me into who I am today, and while I may find so many things about college to rant about, I think it was worth it in the end.

The Delusions of Boss Man

It's been over a month since I moved back to the good-ol' Midwest, and I know quite a few of you know the story of Bro's and my exodus from the evil clutches of Boss Man. Okay, that might be an exaggeration. In any case, quite a few of you don't really know what happened, so I figured it was time I filled you in and update you on what I've been up to since I've been back. Enjoy!

Okay, it's a long story, and I never know where to start. I suppose the beginning. Boss Man had been a friend of Bro's and mine for about 15 years. Boss Man's a computer geek, and he's managed to do quite well for himself without a college education. He set up a business designing websites for small companies. He knew I had an art school education, and being the generous (more or less) individual he is, he wanted to include me on some of his projects, with the promise of future payment. I did a little graphic design work, but I must admit that I'm no graphic designer. He wound up using other designs. At some point at the end of last year, he came up with an idea for a dislike button for Facebook. He found a button already made, but it had a lot of bugs. He fixed the button and monetized it with advertisements. He again included me- this time as his executive assistant. At the moment, the only work for me was to answer the support emails that came in about the button. We never discussed salary amount, but again, he promised me payment in the future. Not sure how much, but heck, it HAD to be better than what I was making in that retail hell-that-shall-not-be-named.

He wanted to move to California. Heck, *I* wanted to move to California. I never saw myself staying in the Midwest indefinitely, and I had some friends out that way, so I was excited. The only problem was that I didn't have the financial means to support myself and pay bills on what I was making. Boss Man reassured me that he would pay for EVERYTHING: rent, utilities, groceries... he just wanted people to live with him. Bro was skeptical, but in the end, both Boss Man and I got him on board with the idea.

Boss Man went to visit family in Florida, and he came back pumped about this house he saw in the same neighborhood. It was a five-bedroom, three-bathroom home complete with pool, hot tub, and tennis court, and it was only $1,500 a month. I just wanted out of my job and the Midwest, so I was okay with the idea of moving to Florida, particularly since Boss Man reassured me that we'd be on our way to Cali in just a few months. This was just until his business picked up a little more. So we moved to Plant City, FL instead.

Things were okay for maybe a month. I transferred, as Boss Man reassured me that I'd only be working there for about a month before I could work for him full time and start getting paid. Bro was not able to transfer, but Boss Man promised him that he'd help him find work with his amazing contacts. After about a month, Boss Man started acting withdrawn, at least with me, and he started drinking heavily and making tons of jokes at my expense. I asked Bro what was up, and he told me that Boss Man pretty much hated me. He thought I was "ungrateful" for all he'd done. I had no idea how he got that idea, but my attempts to fix whatever I'd done wrong didn't help. His attitude worsened.

In May, he came up with an idea that could have made us a lot of money. It involved a lot of tech stuff that Bro and I didn't understand, so we were relying on Boss Man to train us. Every day, he woke up later and later, and every day, he said he'd train us the next day. It got to the point where Boss Man wasn't waking up until 5 pm, and the only motivation he found was that to down a 6-pack and watch Scrubs. This money-making project never came to fruition. Boss Man grew delusional. I had only ever kept part time hours at my job so that I could have time for these other projects that never happened. He was convinced that I was working at least 40 hours a week and making more than $8/hr. I have no idea how he came up with that one. He thought I was a bitch for not helping out financially, but truth be told, I had just enough for my bills and gas money. That's it. But to him, I was ungrateful. And Bro still hadn't found a job 3 months later. Boss Man was paying Bro's bills, which was awesome, but he wasn't even attempting to help Bro find a job like he'd promised. Boss Man was convinced that Bro wasn't trying to find a job, but how could Boss Man know what Bro did all day when he wouldn't get up until 5 pm? When Boss Man confessed to hearing voices, Bro and I decided we needed to get out as soon as possible.

It wasn't until the ride home that I learned of another delusion of Boss Man. He'd confessed to having feelings for me a month or two before we moved out to FL. I had to turn him down, and I thought we were okay. He told me we were okay! I had to turn him down later on in FL as well. Bro told me that Boss Man told him that the reason why he and I weren't dating was because we didn't want Bro to feel like a third wheel. Not even close.

Anyway, before leaving, I'd decided that I'd had enough of working at the retail hell hole and wouldn't transfer again, so I contacted a friend who used to work with me at the location near home. She helped put me in contact with a team leader at the store she currently worked at, and I started working the week I got back home. This job is WAY better, and I work with some awesome people. It took Bro a little longer to get back to doing what he was doing before, and while he's not thrilled, he's very happy to be making money again.

I decided that I want to start a jewelry business. I'm hoping to be able to sell some of my designs in the store I'm working at now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Whew, that's a long, convoluted story, and I hope I didn't lose anyone. It was definitely not a fun experience, but I count myself blessed to be able to see the good that did come out of it. It made me a stronger person and gave me direction, which is just what I needed. No regrets.

What Do I Do? ... Where Do I Begin?

Hello, dear readers. I know I promised a rebuttal for the comments regarding my feminist blog, but in the end, neither of us will concede defeat, so I thought I'd give my blood pressure a rest and write about something else. Another complaint, because as everyone knows, complaining is fun. This complaint- er, blog- is a rather lengthy response to the question every new grad in this awful economy dreads.

"So... what do you do?"

Let's go back to the previous weekend. Boss Man had mistakenly left his card at the club we tried the previous night, and he wanted some company for the trip back to claim it. I'm not much into the club scene, but I do get a serious kick out of the small talk that foolishly optimistic boys engage in to get to know a girl, so I joined him. He had to get up to use the restroom, leaving me vulnerable to the expectations of some poor fool. This particular fool never revealed his name to me, but as his ridiculously long hair defied gravity to an extent that baffles the mind, Boss Man and I dubbed him Mr. Fluff. After insulting me a couple of times (is this a new way to pick up the ladies? Because it doesn't work), Mr. Fluff asked me the dreaded question.

As always, this question made me pause. There I stood awkwardly, wondering how I could fully answer this stupid question in as few words as possible and still be understood.

I know that I should be grateful for having the job that I do, but I can't help but feel the sting of my hurt pride that my art degree landed me a job in retail. I studied animation, but I have no great love for it. I suppose this is a good thing, because I'm really bad at it. And as I peruse sites like careerbuilder.com and monster.com, I can't help but notice that unless you design logos and websites, there's no place for you in the art world. I can't do those things, but you know what I can do? Design jewelry. Write. I love both of these things, and I intend to make both a part of my career. Maybe I wasn't on the ball enough to find my passion at 18, get the degree and the job to follow, but things WILL work out for me. My determination, goals, and ambitions are worth something, and they far better define me than my retail position does.

I suppose I'm being overly sensitive in this case. I know the guy means no harm, but let's be honest: is that an appropriate question given today's economy? A better question would be "What do you WANT to do?" Things aren't likely to change though, especially considering the problem of the loud music. The conditions simply just do not invite lengthy explanations. Given the circumstances, I answer as fully as I can:

"Not a heck of a lot."

I catch Mr. Fluff off-guard. I'm pretty sure I didn't impress him, but I at least thought it was funny. I think I found my new go-to answer.

Un Día de Acción de Gracias

Hola, everyone! A rebuttal post for the comments regarding my previous post is forthcoming, but today is a very special day, and I thought I'd better address it. On Facebook, I referred to today as an anniversary of my deliverance from evil (or aniversario de mi liberación del Evil, as all things seem to sound better in a foreign language), but it seems to me that a more appropriate name for today would be "Un Día de Acción de Gracias," or "A Day of Thanksgiving." Today is the anniversary of the first time (!) that the person I relied on most and I called it quits. At the time, I was completely devastated. I cite the months following as the worst period in my life, but the pain subsided with time, as it always does, and I grew stronger. Immediately following The Ordeal, I fought an inner struggle to be what I wanted to be. I wanted to be supportive (he had some emotional issues), and I didn't want to be bitter. I wanted to be happy and still be friends, but I came to terms with that idea a while ago. Sometimes you can't have both. As much as I would love to be that type of person, I am not. I knew that his post-breakup behavior was unacceptable (in an effort to maintain some decency in this post, I'm leaving the personal details out), and he made me angry. He seemed determined to keep me down, and I decided to break off ties with him completely a few weeks ago. At first I was a bit disappointed with myself. I wanted to be above the bitter ex girlfriend persona, but I came to terms with the fact that he just wasn't worth the effort.

June 23rd, 2009:
I was broken. I was bitter. I was convinced that I did something wrong, and I was convinced that no one would, or could for that matter, love me for who I was. I did not know what I wanted from life. I had no future.

June 23rd, 2010:
I am stronger. I know what I want. I have an incredible network of friends who will support and love me even when I'm convinced that no one should. I am no longer bitter from the past. I embrace it. Most may think of today as defiant praise of singledom, but it is more an expression of personal contentment. I know now that while both of us made mistakes, I wasn't solely responsible for the demise of something that had once been wonderful. And I am ready to love again.

Today, I count myself blessed to have the inner and outer strength that I did not possess a year ago. So today, I give thanks. Or gracias. :-)

A "Feminist" Blog

I suppose I risk offending a good many people with this entry, but I hope you all read it with an open mind. I read an article posted by a friend on Facebook earlier today, and I was appalled by the narrow-mindedness of the article. It was a feminist article, and let me be perfectly frank- I am not a feminist. I am a humanist. I believe in the pursuit of happiness in individuals without letting society’s expectations hinder our actions. I get frustrated with people with agendas. The article is from the website feministing.com, and their agenda seems to be to find anything that could be construed as negative towards women and rant about it. Why do we women continue to fight where no fighting is necessary?

My view on feminism? We traded one stereotype for another and called it progress. While we have our similarities, women will never be equal to men. We cannot be, because equality implies sameness. Men and women are different. Plain and simple. We are not better or worse: we are complements to the other. I can certainly appreciate how far we've come. I like that I can have a job, that I can choose who I marry, that I can vote, etc. I love that women have more options than men have. I can be soft and sexy while being strong and self-reliant. What I don’t like is how so many feminists push their viewpoints on other women rather than appreciate those women’s opinions.

Now to the heart of the blog- the article in question. You can read it here: http://www.feministing.com/archives/021581.html. A doctor performs surgeries to shorten baby girls’ abnormally large clitorises. Feminists denounce the doctor’s actions, claiming the whole affair to be “sexual assault” and a “human rights violation.” Keep in mind that this surgery is performed in a sterile lab, with a licensed physician, with parental consent. How could this be defined as a human rights violation? That's putting it in the same league as female circumcision in Ghana. The doctor in question goes to great lengths to ensure the nerves are spared. He advocates annual exams to ensure that all is well with his patients and make sure that they lead normal, healthy lives. Yes, this is certainly appalling. What we have here are women, who not knowing what it could possible feel like to be able to be described as physically abnormal, running their mouths about things that they do not understand.

They say the view of what is normal is "narrow-minded." Are they implying that the children should grow up as they are, and maybe they could make the decision themselves later on if they would like to go through the surgery? That's an interesting take, considering so many feminists advocate abortion. The baby had no say there, did he/she? The mother can kill her child, but she's a terrible person if she seeks to make her child's life a little more normal and a little less self-conscious. What about children born with cleft palates? Should we cease correcting that birth defect too? What about the millions of baby boys who are circumcised? How many men rant about that, calling it a human rights violation? These women hear about scalpels going where ideally none would go, and raise a fuss, claiming a crime is being committed. Let's be honest here, ladies, if your clitoris resembled male genitalia, wouldn't you want that altered?

I love being an independent woman. What I do not like is being force-fed the agenda of those whose original purpose was to empower women. I don’t need or want someone else to dictate my thoughts and actions. After all, wasn’t the women’s liberation movement about releasing women from conventional thinking? Feminism has become the new convention, and I for one am not its advocate.

I Have a Weird Body

Hello, folks. It's been a while, but I haven't had anything too terribly exciting to share, so I've kept relatively quiet. The business is moving right along. The newest version was launched several weeks ago. We've got a side business involving Craigslist that we're getting started. I'm still working a few hours a week at the-place-that-shall-not-be-named. Seriously, I can't wait to get out of there for good. Should be soon! Our dryer hasn't worked for about 6 of the 7 weeks we've been living here. The landlord is too cheap. He bought us a new (well, used, but new to us) dryer the other day, and that too doesn't work. Hopefully, he'll get it fixed soon, but if history teaches us anything... laundromat, here we come! Other than that, life's pretty quiet down here.

I suppose you're all wondering about the title of today's post. I know I would be. Ahem. I've always struggled a little with my weight. I've never really been heavy, but I also never had visible abs. They're there; you just can't see 'em! Anyway, my body puts on weight from the waist downward. My arms are pretty much only good for keeping my balance. I have no meat on my shoulders or back whatsoever. A concerned guy friend once commented that I needed to put on weight because I looked "frail." Oh, if only!

Boss Man had P90X, but he forgot to bring it with him. He had it sent here, but he failed to mention that it had arrived. I finally asked him about it last night, and yes, he'd received it. I started Day 1 of this workout/nutritional regimen today, and I've realized several things:

1. I always knew that my arms were pathetic, but now I also know that I cannot do ONE proper push-up. Yet. The first DVD was almost entirely push-ups and chin-ups, with the latter being impossible because I do not have a chin-up bar. That will change. Unfortunately, if prior experience is any indication (like high school gym), it will still be impossible. This too will change.

2. My back is incredibly weak. I also did the ab workout DVD, and while I somewhat felt the burn in my abs (previous Pilates workouts and semi-regular crunches helped me with the moves, I think), I really felt it in my back. Like it might go out. I guess I'd better go easy as I work my way up.

3. I'm pretty out of shape! I thought I was okay, with the running and walking I've been doing, but... ugh, I'm gonna feel this tomorrow!

The Boys will be joining me next time. We can all be sore and cranky together.

I guess that's all I've got for today, kids. Be safe!

It's Just One of Those Days

It's just one of those days when you don't want to wake up! *starts headbanging with embarrassing enthusiasm* Sorry about that. Ahem... You ever have one of those days where you feel blah but have no concrete reason? And it doesn't help that it's raining outside, and you have to entertain another person later but have no idea what to do? Arg! So to make myself feel better, I'm gonna list my goals. For those of you who noticed, I don't have activities listed on my FB profile. I don't do anything interesting enough to list. But I will! I just need money. Donations are welcome!

1. Learn languages
I took three years of Spanish in high school, but they threw too much at me in the last year. I pretty much only remember how to tell someone that I like cheese. There's limited practicality in that. Spanish for practicality in this country. Italian for pleasure. I went to Italy a couple of years ago, and it was the best experience of my life. I have a soft spot for Italy. I only hope when I go back, it'll be just as awesome. I may have to drag Jess with me again. :-) And lastly, I want to learn Arabic. I feel in the world we're living in, it'll be useful.

2. Learn to dance
I can't dance. Unless you count the macarena, and I don't. I took a belly dancing class for my friend's bachelorette party and loved it. That's first on the list. And no, Boss Man, I don't need supervision! Feel free to join in though- it'll be really funny to see you shimmy! I also want to learn salsa and ballroom dancing. I will be doing a waltz at my wedding. The groom will not win that argument.

3. Do some serious traveling
By serious, I mean I don't come back home until I see the world. Going to Australia with Bro and Boss Man this year, I hope. And of course, I've got to go to Italy, then France, Spain, Romania, Croatia, Sweden, Korea, Japan, Egypt... not necessarily in that order. And I'll have to hit some places here in the USA. Like be all nerdy and see the cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde. Can't wait until I can do all that!

4. Go parasailing
No one seems to want to do this with me, so I may have to go solo. Fine by me!

5. Go hang gliding
And I thought getting someone to go parasailing with me was hard... I wish I could fly. This will have to do!

6. Actually learn to ride horses
I've been horseback riding a few times, but I want to actually get good at it. I don't really have a reason, other than I feel I should go for it if I enjoy it.


And somewhere on the list, I also want to learn to change a tire, but that's way too mundane to list! :-P Whew, I feel a lot better now. Well, if I want all this, I'd better go make some money. Or at least prepare myself to make money. Ciao!


(and for those of you wanting to get ahead, I'll let you in on what I'm doing to make all this possible)

So Much News

Hello, everyone! It's been a while, and I'll be honest, I've been meaning to write this post for a few days now. Been busy with training (yes, I got a new job) and hanging with the roommates.

I got a job. I'm an independent agent with Lionheart Assurance Solutions. I provide customers with identity theft and legal counsel packages. If you want to check out the site, go to http://lionheartassurance.com/, and click on Onward and Upward. Enter "balance" for the user id and "power" for the password. It's cool stuff. My favorite department store has finally finished my transfer (only took them about a month!), and I'll be on the next schedule that goes out. Not exciting, but I need some money to come in soon.

Let's see... when I first envisioned this post, I thought it would be longer and wittier, but like I mentioned above, I meant to write this days ago when it was fresh in my mind. Guess I'll have to write later when I can think of something else to write... maybe take some photos and post 'em. Miss you all!

Cherries 'N Berries, Man

Hello, everyone! I meant to update you sooner, but I have been spending a lot of time with the roommates. The trip was a pain, but it's good to finally be here. On the 12th, Bro and I went to get Boss Man, and we didn't get back until about 2 am. This meant a lot of scrambling the next morning to get everything in the car. We wound up having to leave most of our kitchen stuff at home, because it didn't fit in the car. We had a small tupperware container already in the car, so we stuck a few knives in there. The big chef's knife didn't fit, so it wound up in the glove box.

We got started almost an hour later than we intended. We finally got on the road, with a sem-efficient driving plan. Bro wound up driving 6 or 7 hours straight, and I wound up taking over for him while Boss Man drove my car. Bro's car had me terrified- it didn't like accelerating, and going downhill in the mountains with all that weight pretty much convinced me that I was going to die. Top it all off with the radio station not working. While I was driving at the beginning of the trip, in my easily accelerated vehicle, I got pulled over for speeding. Boss Man was in the passenger seat, desperately trying to find my registration without revealing the enormous chef's knife. That could have ended a lot worse, so I guess I should not be too upset about the stupid ticket. But then the joke about the "cherries and berries" started... and hasn't stopped. (cherries and berries= cop's red and blue lights) Boss Man moved the chef's knife under his seat, just in case my foot got accelerator-happy again.

We pulled into a rest stop, and we decided that we'd try to make the rest of the trip that night. We were excited, and we didn't want to have another 8 hours or so to drive the next day. We drove a bit more, then Bro pulled off to the side with his hazard lights on. We stopped, and he came up to the car telling us that he'd left his cell phone at the rest stop. He decided against driving back for it- he'd get a new one once we got to FL. We were sick of driving, so we decided that we'd stop as soon as we crossed the border to FL. The GPS listed a Super 8 a few miles away, but it wound up taking us back over the border to GA. We laughed about making it all the way to FL and turning back.

We were only a few hours away, and we were very excited to see the house. The landlord seems cool. His wife scares us. We suspect drugs. Nice lady though. We haven't really been able to enjoy the pool or hot tub since the heater's broken. Should be up and running by Monday or Tuesday. I know you were all worried.

Bro and Boss Man just got new cell phones today- Droids. I'm jealous. The big chef's knife is still under my passenger seat.

Well, I think that just about sums up the state of affairs around here. Stay tuned for the next episode!

Moving Day Keeps Creeping Closer and Closer

Hello, everyone! I started this blog to keep everyone up to date about what's going on in my life. I just hope it's worth writing about. I should be sleeping right now, but I can't help but bite my nails over the whole moving process. My bro and I have to pick up our friend, who I have affectionately nicknamed Boss Man (he calls me Ace), tomorrow morning, and we will load up his stuff in my car, then drive back down to our house to load up the rest of our stuff. We will finally begin our journey to Florida on the 14th. So nervous! I already feel like I've got my stuff down to the essentials, but two carloads for three people... this will hopefully play out with minimal bloodshed.

We've got a great house waiting for us- 5 bedrooms, three bathrooms, a tennis court, and a swimming pool. My bro and I have some job interviews set up for next week, and we trust it will all work out as it should. Boss Man is his own boss, and I'll be working for him as well. His business is FaceMod, and he's the owner of the original Dislike Button for Facebook. More stuff to come, and I'm excited about being a part of it!

A "Working Title" is the name given to a film while in production. It's still in the process of becoming something great, or as in the case of 2012, something truly terrible. Seriously, if you haven't seen it yet, don't waste your time. Anyway, one's whole life is considered a work in progress, but I feel that now especially is an opportune time to reinvent myself. I hope to finally be able to break free from the limitations that my own mind has created and become who I have always wanted to become. To learn everything I want to learn. And make it public for you fine people. Enjoy!